Pursuing social media fame offers no inspiration, exploring reasons behind this, and suggesting alternatives

Ditching the days of blissful ignorance about our peers' achievements might be unfeasible today, thanks to social media platforms galvanizing our personal and professional relationships. And while artists from Mark Twain to Dylan Thomas cautioned against the pitfalls of comparison, their words seem to resonate more profoundly now. Social media has transformed us into a society constantly eyeing each other's curated and fabulous lives, and we're never more engaged than when we're comparison shopping.

A recent report from DataReportal reveals that our daily social media scrolling averages about 2.5 hours – an increase of 50% over the last decade! We’re willingly leaving the present moment to sneak a peek at someone else's perfectly orchestrated life. We end up condemned to a gloomy underworld, feeling like we're endlessly fending off obstacles while the rest of the world indulges in a playground of endless joy.

Hollywood director Mark Wahlberg, in an interview, spoke candidly about the devastating effects of comparison, saying, "I deleted Instagram - everything there started to annoy me. And then I realized that somewhere out there, people are just as annoyed by my vacation under the palms. They like my posts, but they're thinking, 'Go to hell!'" The truth is, we think we're sharing our lives, but inadvertently, we're testing our followers. No one posts photos of their sandwich falling on the floor with the ham side down - instead, we all carefully highlight our triumphs, sweeping our setbacks under the rug.

With mounting evidence pointing to a correlation between social media and mental health issues, it's clear that we've underestimated its impact on our well-being and self-worth. Cornell University psychology professor Zhi Wang has proposed the "three I's theory" – our internal self-image, the image created through published content, and the assumption of how others view us. This added layer of complexity to self-identification leaves us teetering on the edge of maintaining integrity and inner harmony amid constant digital interaction.

In this digital age, it's hard to imagine severing ties with social media completely; however, it's crucial to be aware of the traps we tend to fall into and explore methods to escape them.

In the realm of work, companies have become increasingly preoccupied with showcasing perfect workplaces by investing in HR branding, top managers' personal brands, and carefully crafted Instagram profiles. These polished images, inspiring success stories, and sensational corporate events may give the illusion of a charming professional utopia, but merely hide the harsh realities of burnout, overwork, and draining competition behind the facade.

The personal branding industry has flourished in recent years, offering services to create lasting, enviable impressions based on a formula that includes success, inspiring stories, and visual appeal. Although it works to boost visibility and gain attention, it puts both the audience and the creator under relentless pressure.

It could be that we yearn for inspiration and motivation to push forward. Maybe we're searching for guides and are willing to mimic the behavior of successful individuals. Possibly, we genuinely believe there's a magic pill out there. Whatever the reason, the problem lies in the fact that the success stories that captivate our attention don't discuss their missteps. They give the impression that success comes effortlessly and that there's a one-size-fits-all formula for it. While other people's examples can be a source of guidance, they can also hinder our independent thinking and prevent us from crafting our unique paths. Clients in coaching sessions between 25-30 tend to voice similar sentiments: "I can't remember why I was interested in this anymore – it seems I only followed the crowd."

These clients acknowledge that they chose their career paths based on societal norms of success rather than their interests.

Related Material

nullableWhere Comparison Takes Usnullable

Regardless of all the warnings against comparison, it is deeply ingrained in our nature. According to Leon Festinger's theory of social comparison, as much as 10% of our daily thoughts revolve around some form of comparison. People measure their worth through comparison – either envying those who appear more successful (upward comparison) or dismissing those who seem less so (downward comparison).

The common desire in coaching sessions is to advance in one's career. This often involves wrestling with the emotional barriers wrought by toxic comparisons. Some of these barriers include:

Refusal to Relax and Burnout

Constant self-comparison can lead to an inability to relax and the onset of burnout. One coaching session participant shared, "Every time I look at the couch, I think someone else is working and forging ahead in income and recognition." Brought up in a generation that has faced more than one crisis, we're acutely aware of the voice of "should," which is louder than "want" – and safety is an illusion. Ignoring the need for rest, we plunge into a state of burnout, often not realizing it in time.

Procrastination

Surveying idealized social media content can subtly whisper "Stop being lazy," only to paralyze procrastinators with anxiety and guilt. One client formulated a long-term development strategy in which boosting his expertise in a certain area could significantly enhance his business and income. Yet, hours would slip away, valuable time slated for additional education wasted, as he watched others launch projects on captivating platforms.

Perfectionism and Imposter Syndrome

Continual comparison to flawless representations can drain one's confidence, triggering the fear of making mistakes and the imposter syndrome. This fear often surfaces at critical points – when launching new projects, seeking a promotion, or hitting a new professional milestone. The internal imposter can even hinder the pursuit of one's purpose.

Pursuing Perfection Impedes Us at All Levels

Both employees and managers can struggle with the pressures imposed by the idealized images they see online. They fear admitting they don't know something, continuing to maintain the appearance of a flawless facade. This concealment can foster a culture where instead of mutual support, workers begin to withhold their difficulties.

Establishing a Balanced Relationship with Social Media

Every "idealized success story" stands on years of hard work, numerous blunders, and moments of self-doubt. Recognizing the less-than-perfect facets of such stories is crucial for reducing pressure and allowing for action. But that's not all – overcoming the barriers erected by media examples may be further aided by the following practices:

Befriend Your Inner Critic

Comparing ourselves to perfected images incites an internal conflict: "If everyone around is succeeding, why even try?" This can lead to a lack of engagement, reduced initiative, and stifled creativity. It becomes a cause of self-sabotage.

Listen to your thoughts, try to detect when your inner critic grows louder. It's important not to try to suppress or distance yourself from it – tension only strengthens its influence. Imagine it as a separate being, as you'd envision a separate character. This detachment allows you to treat its words with a more objective eye. Engage with your critic consciously and calmly, and ask: "What are you afraid of?," "How can you help?" Often, behind its harsh words, it seeks to protect you from failure. Think about the constructive role you can assign it. For example, it may remind you of what's truly important to you or help you prepare for difficult situations.

Embrace Failure as an Opportunity to Learn

Carol Dweck-inspired research on fixed and growth mindsets shows that constant self-comparison and fear of failure can impede growth. Instead of experimenting and learning, many prefer taking refuge in their comfort zone, reducing both personal and team productivity.

Approach mistakes not as failures but as opportunities to learn. Altering our mindset, we embrace a growth mindset in which mistakes are stepping stones towards advancement, empowering us to handle stress and find inspiration in it.

Research over the past century emphasizes that alligning one's life with deeply held values brings satisfaction and joy. It makes significant life decisions easier and their outcomes more meaningful. In the workplace, values help us feel at ease and inspired, allowing us to experience deep fulfillment when we achieve our goals.

Take some time to reflect on your top three values at work or when you deviate from your values and why. Inquiring into these questions can spark exploration.

Richard Boyatzis, a notable researcher on motivation and leadership, insists that visualizing our future selves helps activate internal resources and create an emotional bond with our goals. Breaking our journey to our goal into small, manageable steps makes it more real and achievable. Advance at your own pace to avoid overload, create a sense of progress, and maintain motivation.

Sociologists suggest that as much as 10% of our daily thoughts revolve around comparison, which is deeply ingrained in our nature.
In coaching sessions, clients often voice concerns about career advancement, wrestling with the emotional barriers wrought by toxic comparisons.
These barriers can lead to refusal to relax and burnout, procrastination, perfectionism, and imposter syndrome.
Companies have become increasingly preoccupied with showcasing perfect workplaces, giving the illusion of a charming professional utopia while hiding harsh realities.
The personal branding industry offers services to create lasting, enviable impressions based on a formula that includes success, inspiring stories, and visual appeal, putting both the audience and the creator under relentless pressure.
Science and education-and-self-development advice emphasize the importance of crafting unique paths, rather than mimicking the behavior of successful individuals.
To establish a balanced relationship with social media, it's crucial to befriend your inner critic, embrace failure as an opportunity to learn, and align your life with deeply held values.